Ep 22 Spotify, Boundaries, And Being Called Stingy

Ever notice how the tiniest fights tell the biggest truths? We dive into three everyday flashpoints—sharing a Spotify account, throwing out a roommate’s “emotional support” mug, and those cutting therapy jokes—and reveal how each one exposes patterns around respect, empathy, and accountability. What looks small on the surface is often a rehearsal for how we handle money, space, and each other’s vulnerabilities.

We start with the partner who wants to “save money” by using a single premium account and accuses the other of being stingy for suggesting a Duo plan. That’s not about music; that’s about boundaries and projection. You’ll hear why a fair compromise still matters even when emotions run hot, how to avoid getting trapped in labels like selfish or dramatic, and how early decisions set the precedent for future problem‑solving. Then we shift to shared living: the cracked, smelly mug gets tossed after an accident. The real misstep isn’t cleanliness—it’s skipping the conversation. We break down simple roommate etiquette, the psychology of sentimental objects, and how to respect meaning you don’t personally share.

Finally, we tackle family and partner dynamics where words hit hardest. A mother’s weight comments get reframed through clear, enforceable boundaries that focus on your actions, not controlling hers. And when a partner makes therapy the punchline during disagreements, we explain why that’s weaponized sarcasm and offer a repair script that owns impact, not just intent. Throughout, we emphasize practical tools: naming needs, offering realistic options, and following through without drama.

If you’re ready to turn small conflicts into better habits—around money, shared space, and emotional safety—this conversation will give you language and steps you can use today. Subscribe, share with a friend who’s setting new boundaries, and leave a review telling us the line you’re drawing this week.

Chapters

• 0:00 Sharing Spotify And Boundaries
• 0:39 Projection And Money Dynamics
• 1:10 Why Sharing Accounts Is Annoying
• 2:00 What Healthy Boundaries Look Like
• 2:43 Compromise And Respect Tests
• 4:36 Roommate Mug Incident Starts
• 5:15 Communication Before Throwing Things Out
• 6:31 Empathy For Sentimental Objects
• 8:07 Weight Comments And Family Boundaries
• 9:40 Consequences And Following Through
• 11:10 Therapy Jokes And Weaponized Sarcasm
• 12:50 Owning Harm And Better Responses
• 16:31 Closing And Listener Contact

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:02

Am I the a-hole for refusing to share my Spotify account with my boyfriend? I, 24-year-old female, have a Spotify premium account I've been using for years. My boyfriend, 26-year-old male, just moved in and asked if he could use my account to save money. I said I'd prefer he get his own or we upgrade to a duo plan and split it. He says I'm being selfish and nickel and diming him over a music app. I think it's about boundaries. He thinks I'm being stingy. I can really relate to this one for a couple of reasons. But again, what really stood out to me is that he said he thinks I'm being stingy and nickel and diming. However, he is the one who said he wanted to save money. So he wants to save money. And she's nickel and diming and being stingy when she says, no, I'd actually rather split the account, uh, pay a little bit more. We'll both save money, um, but then we'll each have our own account because as I understand, a duo plan means you pay less than two accounts on their own. So anyway, again, this is somebody who's projecting what they're doing onto the other person, which is very problematic and I would bring up. Um, however, the other part that I can actually relate to is I am a family of six and I have shared Spotify accounts with people before. And it's actually really, really annoying to share a Spotify account with someone. So I actually think he's diminishing actually the impact that it could have to share an account. What do we do if we both want to listen to music at the same time? What do we do if we're listening to the same podcast and we're going to be listening to different episodes? And potentially, I don't know about everyone who's listening, but when I listen to podcasts, it's often in the car when I'm driving. And therefore, I don't necessarily make it through the entire episode in that car ride, which means I stop 23 minutes in potentially. And then what we have somebody switching to a different episode, being at a different timestamp, um, or starting it over from the very beginning. So that's actually very, very irritating, um, especially the way that Spotify counts are used. And so, number one, do I think that you're being selfish? No. I don't think that you're being selfish. Do I think that that's a good boundary to have? Yes. And this is again when we talk about boundaries, uh, or I'm always, I'm gonna say this till I'm blue in the face because I think it's a really important lesson to learn is boundaries are not about controlling other people's behavior. It's about how you decide to behave. And so this is not about him stopping bugging you about this. He is allowed to bug you as much as he wants about this, unfortunately. However, you can decide it's not okay for me. I'm not going to do this. And luckily in this scenario, you don't have to. There's nothing forcing you to do this. There is no, um, he can't force the situation and make you do it. And so uh I think it would be very concerning if you can't get to the other side of this, if he can't respect this, the this boundary with you, especially since you actually came up with a compromise. I imagine you are perfectly fine paying for your Spotify account and just having the one and living your life paying that amount. And so for you to compromise and say, well, I could reset the plan to a duo. Um, it will save us both money and we can move forward that way. That was actually a really good, healthy compromise. And the fact that they basically put sounds like they dug their heels in and said, you know, you're being unfair and it's only okay if it works out my way, which is what that I get to share your one premium account that you have right now. Um, so definitely not being selfish and definitely a good conversation to have on how do we find a compromise, how do we work through conflict? This is actually really good conflict to work through in a relationship. So the the conflicts in relationships will get bigger and they will get more, more serious. And I think it's actually always good for young folk who are in a newer relationship to say, this is a good testing ground for how we work through problems. Because if you decide to, let's say, just give in, you want to remind yourself, I have now set a precedent that in these types of scenarios, I just give in. If you decide to shut down, let's say, and avoid that you're setting a precedent for how we sort out issues is by shutting down and avoiding or shoving under the rug or or whatever. And so I think it would be really important to look at this and go, this is going to be an example of how we problem solve. Let's talk this through, let's hear each other out, let's validate and listen to what each other has to say, and also be really clear on why it's important for me to do whatever it is, such as not share this one account, but come up with this compromise. Okay, next scenario. Scenario five. Am I the a-hole for throwing away my roommate's emotional support in quotations? Coffee mug. I, 25-year-old male male, share an appointment, uh sorry, share an apartment with two others. One of them, we'll call him Liam, has this Yeah, go ahead. Okay. Number five, am I the a-hole for throwing away my roommate's emotional support coffee mug? I, 25-year-old male, share an apartment with two others. One of them, Liam, it has this disgusting cracked mug he insists on using daily. It's stained, chipped, and even smells a bit weird. He calls it his emotional support mug. I accidentally knocked it off the counter and it cracked more. I tossed it, thinking it was done for. He was devastated and said I had no right. He's been cold ever since. Am I the a-hole? Okay, so I feel like this is actually a really great uh conversation to have just regarding um living with other people in a space together. Roommate stuff, I think is is a lot, there's a lot of issues that kind of show up in roommate stuff. The number one issue with what happened here was actually the lack of communication after you chipped the cup. I think that on no planet, if you damage something of someone else's, should your first instinct be, I'll just throw it in the garbage. Um, and not actually leave it aside, speak to the person, apologize, and say, I'm really sorry, I cracked your mug. I wasn't sure if you wanted me to throw it out or not. So I just left it here for you to decide what to do with it. I think that, and it's interesting, there's a lot of quotation marks about emotional support mug. I do understand that that might seem strange to someone that someone would describe their mug as an emotional support mug. But actually, it's very common for people to put a lot of emotional um, I don't know, a lot of feelings into objects. Uh, those objects become very, very important to them. And I think that naturally people will be able to recognize, oh, your childhood teddy bear or your favorite t-shirt, where you know you remember doing all these really cool things and you always wear this shirt, like concerts and that type of stuff. And people will go, oh yeah, I can understand why that object is going to have an emotional connection to it. Um, however, you can that can actually happen for anyone for anything. And so to discount it as because I viewed it as, and I find it interesting that in the post, they really wanted to point out that it was disgusting, it was already cracked, um, it was stained, chipped, and smelled weird. Um, and so I think that that kind of shows from the poster, like I didn't like this mug, I didn't like it, maybe I didn't like looking at it, I didn't like smelling it, I didn't, I, I didn't like it, and this was important to him. But my comfort in how whether or not it was in my space maybe took precedent. I'm not 100% sure. Um, and so I think that going backwards, first of all, having empathy, being able to understand this person, this is very valuable to them. You don't need to understand why. You don't need to agree. Um, you just have to acknowledge that it was actually really important to them. And just moving forward, anytime you do anything to anybody's anything, you should actually have a conversation with them about it before immediately going to, I'm just gonna kind of throw this in the garbage. And so while I never actually want to say anyone is the a-hole at all, because I actually do understand from a perspective of I don't put a lot of value on things. I recognize them for their sort of practical value. And if a mug is chips, stained, stinks, I would never use it. And therefore, I would want it in the garbage, then I can understand why you chip it further and you're gonna think, no big deal. We're just gonna throw this in the garbage if I get it. However, I think looking back, and hopefully what you can take away from it is I need to have more empathy, understand their point of view, understand that this was important to them, regardless of whether I think that it should or shouldn't be important to them. It was. Um, and it definitely warranted a conversation before throwing it up. Okay. Next one. Am I the a-hole for telling my mom I won't visit if she keeps commenting on my weight? I, 27-year-old female, have struggled with body image for years. Every time I visit my mom, she makes comments like, You'd be so pretty if you lost a little weight, or ask if I've tried intermittent fasting. I've asked her to stop many times. Last week I told her I won't come for Thanksgiving if she comments if the comments continue. She said I'm being dramatic and ruining the holiday. And so again, we can go to um I'm being dramatic, I'm ruining the holiday, right? There's a very interesting thing that when I ask you to behave differently, that's me ruining the holiday and me being dramatic versus you potentially being the one who's ruined the holiday because you're refusing to just not comment on my weight. So I think that it's really valuable to stop whenever someone says that to you and say, Well, don't you think that I could say the same thing in return that you're being a bit dramatic and also ruining the holiday if you can't just respect my wishes and not comment on my weight. I actually really like this post though, because as we've talked about boundaries before, boundaries are not about controlling the other person's beh behavior or what they do. It really is about the boundary that you're setting of what you're going to do. And so you're saying, I'd like to come to Thanksgiving, but only if you're not going to talk about my weight. And alternatively, and and this is what the what's really interesting, mom has the opportunity to say, okay, I won't talk about your weight, or I'm gonna talk about your weight if if I want to. So the whole point of saying the boundary is not about their response. It's about what you're gonna do based on what their response is. So if her response is, I want to talk about your weight, then you go, okay, I'm not coming to Thanksgiving. And if she says, Okay, I'm not gonna talk about your weight, then you show up to Thanksgiving. And on top of that, if she says, I'm not going to, you show up to Thanksgiving, and then she speaks about your weight. This is the hard part. You would need to leave if you wanted to set a healthy boundary and respect your own boundary in that moment. Because we can't leave respecting of boundaries up to other people either. They're gonna do what they're gonna do, and you have to decide what you're gonna do if they're not gonna respect your boundary. So alternatively, you could also say, listen, I am gonna come to Thanksgiving, but I'm just gonna let you know. If you do comment on my way, I will leave. And that might actually be a little bit easier of a conversation to have because you're sort of like letting them know do this, don't do it. I'm not telling you what to do. You can choose to do it, you can choose to not do it, but you are gonna face a consequence if you do. And if you do want me to stay for the length of Thanksgiving, then don't make any wait comments. And if you're okay if I leave, then make the wait comments that you want to make. And so that's the that's a slight, I think, change that I would potentially recommend. Um, those types of conversations can, it gives them the chance to try to follow your wishes instead of going right into it. And it's almost like accusing them of doing something before they do it. And most people are gonna get defensive about that. You could be right. They could have made a comment about your weight every single time you've been in their presence for the last five years, and therefore you're fairly certain if you go for Thanksgiving, they will make a comment about your weight. Um, but we start with it and say, I think you're gonna do this at Thanksgiving, and therefore I'm kind of telling you, I don't know, just kind of telling you off right now about it. They're likely gonna go, oh, I wasn't even going to, and why are you being like this? And how dare you say that I'm gonna do that? Um, versus, hey, I've just noticed in the past that when we've hung out, you've made comments about my weight. I I really don't appreciate it. I really wish that you wouldn't do that. And in this new coming up event that we're about to do, I just want to let you know that my rule from now on is if you do comment on my weight, I will remove myself from this situation. I hope you understand that I'm just doing this to protect my peace. And I love you and care about you and hope that we can have a nice Thanksgiving together. And I don't know, I think it's probably a better chance that they don't say anything about your weight. So but not the a-hole. Okay. Next one. Am I the A-hole for telling my girlfriend to stop making therapy jokes about me? I, 30-year-old male, recently started therapy for anxiety and some trauma I've never dealt with. My girlfriend, 28-year-old female, keeps making jokes like, well, your therapist must be earning their paycheck, or classic therapy kid behavior whenever we disagree. I asked her to stop. She said I'm being too sensitive and can't even take a joke now. Am I the a-hole? All this too sensitive. People get accused of being too sensitive a lot. And I think that that is uh I think it's a very go-to thing for people to say when they don't want to take ownership over her hurtful behavior. So just if you're someone who thinks everybody's sensitive, it could be a good idea for you to check in of like, am I being insensitive? Um, but it is it is that an okay thing to joke about? I think is the bottom line question. Is it okay to joke about somebody being in therapy? Um, I think that most people listening would go, that does not seem like a good thing to joke about. But actually, interestingly, I'm curious if it is whenever we disagree. Because in the post, it very specifically says, whenever we disagree, this person makes these jokes. I think it's actually really important to be able to address if my, if someone is telling me that in an argument, that is very different than let's say I make a joke about being in therapy and they kind of pile on the joke, and it's a very, this is a very, I don't know, light moment. There's no stress, there's no pain between us in this moment. And then you kind of pile on that joke a little, or even if you just say it kind of like, oh, is that your therapy talking in in a very light moment? I think that would feel really different. I'm definitely thinking if it seems to be happening when we disagree, do we do we tend to joke when we're disagreeing? Not usually. That is usually sarcasm. And when you're sarcastic towards somebody during an argument and say something that is taking a sensitivity or taking an insecurity and pushing on that, I don't think that that is actually a very kind thing to do. And so uh I can definitely say, I don't think you're being too sensitive. And I don't think there's a problem with you taking jokes, particularly if these jokes are said in a way and at a time when you guys actually aren't uh are disagreeing. And I think everyone should ask them like, have you been in that situation before? It is a bit of a toxic behavior to uh constantly tell someone they're being sensitive or they can't take a joke and that type of stuff when you're actually saying hurtful things. There's always a good idea to step back. And if someone is actually really upset with something you said and you did not mean to cause harm, you can address that by not calling the person too sensitive, going, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry that that was hurtful. Um, I I didn't intend to be hurtful, but I now understand that when I say things like, well, your therapist must be earning their paycheck or classic therapy good behavior, I now I hear it. I understand that that is actually really hurtful, and I will not make those types of jokes. Moving forward, that is the appropriate response, if not you're being too sensitive. So that wraps it up today's episode of the Mind Spump Podcast. I hope you enjoyed it, and please remember to reach out to us at mediathemindspot.ca. I hope you enjoyed the episode.